Great Expectations
I have come to a conclusion that other people's expectations have suddenly (or maybe not so sudden) become a major driving force in forming one's own life decisions. People expect your little girl to grow up a pretty lil ballerina and if she doesn't, a kind friend may remind you to do something 'coz your daughter's getting a lil too tomboy. Mom used to dread going for my PTAs because year after year and without fail, the only comment they'd say is that I talk too much. Thanks. They could have also added the fact that when I grow up, I'd be sociable and outgoing. Does it really matter if I didn't fit into their expectation of a star student who would only speak when asked and when they did, spoke very sweetly, did all their homework neatly and always sat with their legs together in and outside of class.
I read an article some weeks ago on late pregnancies. People would either judge you for not trying to have a baby earlier when your body was at its peak and in best fit, or people would show empathy because they think they know all about how much you've tried to conceive and wow! you've finally done it! but then again, in your 30s or 40s, you'd probably be too old to enjoy motherhood (or fatherhood) the way you could have some 10-15 years earlier.
So society in general, expect us to not go into a relationship too early (preferably after graduation is what most parents wouold say) because what do we kids know about puppy love? And things change once we hit the work force and we shouldn't limit ourselves. Ok. I have to admit - there is some truth to it all. I've seen and heard far too many "we went out for 8 years and broke up" stories. At the same time, we are expected to have our first child before 30. And because a mere degree isn't much of a deal and people expect you to be more qualified than that these days, you spend another 18 months or so to obtain your post grad. Assuming you are 24 by the time you complete your post grad - that leaves you 5 years (29 to get fertilized and 9 months of incubation leaves you at 30 before it pops) to find a partner and have a child. So in that 5 years, you have to date, date, date. If you're lukcy, the first one that comes along is the guy of your dreams. Courtship of 1 year leads to a marriage proposal and then another 9 months to prepare for the wedding and before you know it, you're married by 26 or 27. Two years of honey moon and then bam! You get your baby and a great life.
But hang on, I've forgotten to add to the fact that we're expected to also become ambitious with our career. We have to work really, really hard during the first few years so make our presence known within the workplace and (hopefully) industry. So if we revise the above a little .... graduation 24 + 2 years of working real hard and casual dating because we just can't commit at the moment + 1 year of permanent courtship + proposal and 9 months of wedding preparation = we get hitched at 28. 1 year to enjoy married life without kids ... not too bad. But we are on a tight schedule here.
So what if we just can't find the right guy along the way? Does that mean we've failed in our lives because we haven't found someone (whoever that may be), haven't started a family for our body's sake and our eager-to-be-grandparents Mom and Dad, dissapointed the government for not adding to the country's population, sadly been added to the selfish-females-who-only-cares-about-their-career satistics? It's funny that most parents would tell you to be less picky. Friends would tell you that you can't have everything so work lesser and make time to meet people. Apparently, there are people out there waiting for you to make a difference in their lives. Unfortunately, these people appear sporadically and don't stay put at the one spot - so finding them, is worse than a treasure hunt - 'coz there isn't a map to find them!
So what do we do? Go adopt a dog, be a parent to a child who would love you unconditionally, be a grandparent when they have their pups and live happily ever after.
I read an article some weeks ago on late pregnancies. People would either judge you for not trying to have a baby earlier when your body was at its peak and in best fit, or people would show empathy because they think they know all about how much you've tried to conceive and wow! you've finally done it! but then again, in your 30s or 40s, you'd probably be too old to enjoy motherhood (or fatherhood) the way you could have some 10-15 years earlier.
So society in general, expect us to not go into a relationship too early (preferably after graduation is what most parents wouold say) because what do we kids know about puppy love? And things change once we hit the work force and we shouldn't limit ourselves. Ok. I have to admit - there is some truth to it all. I've seen and heard far too many "we went out for 8 years and broke up" stories. At the same time, we are expected to have our first child before 30. And because a mere degree isn't much of a deal and people expect you to be more qualified than that these days, you spend another 18 months or so to obtain your post grad. Assuming you are 24 by the time you complete your post grad - that leaves you 5 years (29 to get fertilized and 9 months of incubation leaves you at 30 before it pops) to find a partner and have a child. So in that 5 years, you have to date, date, date. If you're lukcy, the first one that comes along is the guy of your dreams. Courtship of 1 year leads to a marriage proposal and then another 9 months to prepare for the wedding and before you know it, you're married by 26 or 27. Two years of honey moon and then bam! You get your baby and a great life.
But hang on, I've forgotten to add to the fact that we're expected to also become ambitious with our career. We have to work really, really hard during the first few years so make our presence known within the workplace and (hopefully) industry. So if we revise the above a little .... graduation 24 + 2 years of working real hard and casual dating because we just can't commit at the moment + 1 year of permanent courtship + proposal and 9 months of wedding preparation = we get hitched at 28. 1 year to enjoy married life without kids ... not too bad. But we are on a tight schedule here.
So what if we just can't find the right guy along the way? Does that mean we've failed in our lives because we haven't found someone (whoever that may be), haven't started a family for our body's sake and our eager-to-be-grandparents Mom and Dad, dissapointed the government for not adding to the country's population, sadly been added to the selfish-females-who-only-cares-about-their-career satistics? It's funny that most parents would tell you to be less picky. Friends would tell you that you can't have everything so work lesser and make time to meet people. Apparently, there are people out there waiting for you to make a difference in their lives. Unfortunately, these people appear sporadically and don't stay put at the one spot - so finding them, is worse than a treasure hunt - 'coz there isn't a map to find them!
So what do we do? Go adopt a dog, be a parent to a child who would love you unconditionally, be a grandparent when they have their pups and live happily ever after.
posted by Yu Ann at 12:36 PM
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